Today began rather smoothly....watching the rest of ‘Greenland’ with a loved up and at times, playful Ruby lying next to me who’s eyes can melt anybody’s heart. 

Now that I’ve given you time to visualise that....I’d like to swiftly move on to the fact that I usually despise distaster movies but they totally nailed this one and Gerard Butler and Famke Janssen’s acting have never disappointed me. 

Gerard even used his own sexy native Scottish accent in it too! 

It’s a Hollywood movie so there were some clichés in there but it was worth it and I wasn’t expecting Rotten Tomatoes to give it 100% either! 

In other news, I had no intentions of doing any performing today whether busking or live streaming and even my brother and his girlfriend told me last night that it’s best I avoid karaoke songs (NOT referring to own cover versions!) before telling them that I am a ‘creative prostitute’, a ‘dance monkey’ and a ‘musical whore’. 

Anyways, now that I understand that I must keep doing 50% covers and 50% originals....(how? I have no idea yet unless I choose songs that have inspired me as an artist instead of singing songs that everybody knows) I am willing to go out on the streets and sing karaoke songs TWICE a week in New Milton because if I do more than that, it’ll destroy my artist dignity and that will make me feel like another hack until I die. 

As if that is what I will be doing for the rest of my life....just another hopeless talented dreamer! 

I suppose this is relevant to what I have just written and that would be that I have decided I want to do some comfort eating for a while although I still had strong headaches today but a 10 minute power nap after I felt like I had been losing my mind from all the constant noise coming from upstairs....actually made me feel better! 

Yes, I feel slightly guilty that I have bought plant-based stuff today which I know is not good for me but just like taking ecstasy I’m sure it will give me temporary happiness whilst I find true happiness from somewhere and on that note…. I’m sure I left it in my room somewhere but I know it’s not in my dirty laundry bag! 

I thought I had lost all hope today in anything related to my music career. However, as with all Wednesdays and that they are the third day of the week… I was being told by my inner voice yet again that something fortunate was going to happen to me today! 

Either a few days ago or last week, I met an associate from a post that I made about my struggles in a female musicians community group and she suggested that I sign up for this paid live-streaming organisation and get involved with them too. 

I signed up 2 days ago and hadn’t received anything from them and it was making me anxious .... 

Until earlier this afternoon! 

Perhaps, my days of busking are over and if I really CAN earn a living from doing this new venture....then I definitely WILL regain my artistic dignity and happiness again! 

They’ve asked me for a 10 minute audition and now I’ve got one booked for 9am next Tuesday and to add to the positivity.....I also managed to get into the right head space from that lovely email to get on with applying for funding today via the Help Musicians UK website thanks to a busking friend whom I have been close to meeting but haven’t quite gotten that far yet! 

The rest of the evening involved the regular virtual band meeting with Rachael and Deej....and watching a documentary called ‘I am not your negro’ with Leo. 

Life is yet again .....looking up!

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