“I saw the sign and it opened up my mind, I saw the sign. Life is demanding without understanding” 

Obviously, those are not mine words but the words of another Swedish project you may have heard of called Ace Of Base. 

“ Life is demanding, without understanding “what is today’s first haunting thought of the day as I realise now that what’s been holding me back all this time is not depression, anxiety, PTSD, being transgender or even having Asperger’s. 

It’s something more simple than that. Something that all homo sapiens struggle with from time to time. Something that we must be aware of to get further in life and that my lovelies… Self-esteem! 

You can call it at the winter blues like I did but that’s not specific enough albeit it sounding poetic. 

The time has come again to bring forth... “The frontier psychiatrist” which is a term coined by one of my favourite cut and paste artists called The Avalanches. 

At 8 am, I had an hour left to turn everything inside out before getting myself and my room ready for when Rachael came over for not just the monthly Essential photo shoot for updating all of our social media management necessities but also our first interview together with YouTube channel BESEATV thanks to my South East Asian roots and connections. 

In fact, writing this whilst I was trying to finish off my breakfast consisting of boiled broccoli trees and fried mushrooms sprinkled with garlic salt…. Was kind of helping me to feel less anxious. 

“Why so serious? “…. Well, it must have been the fascist inside of me wanting everything to go as planned. Most of my anxiety seems to be stemming from the fact that I didn’t know The interviewer but seeing as Rachael sat next to me…. Everything was hunky-dory/kushti/proper job/top dollar/mentally caffeinated. 

Anyways, one thing is for sure... Tony the tiger is out there again today making everything look sweet and frosty so I’m happy staying inside with my faux fur jacket on thank you very much. 

I have been known to get a bit doolally if I stay inside the whole day but yet again, writing these memoirs seems to have kept me sane. 

I’m technically halfway through this written journey but it already seems like some of it has come to a temporary end. A happy temporary ending. A temporary ending full of self awareness, self-love and of course... Even closer to enlightenment. 

These memoirs have taught me and remind me the power of taking two steps back to move forward and ascend into the ethereal. 

These mum was I’ve taught me and reminded me that there is nothing wrong with me. There is nothing wrong with who and what I have become and what I keep on becoming...strength to strength. 

EARNINGS: £20.36

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