Seeing as “time becomes a loop”, the kitchen ‘face’ tells me it’s, whilst I’m having lightly salted rice cakes as either a snack or a late dinner.... 

I can finally have my small deflated cellulite tattooed arse perched on this IKEA chair with my elbows on this IKEA table and the only thing that’s in motion is my teeth, mouth, tongue, throat and .... 

my chosen weapon of choice to summon potential power, and wisdom and that... my lovelies.... this pen and paper with my regular ramblings! 

I’m feeling fully super - charged right now after a 3 hour virtual chat on Zoom with an ex - stranger. 

After 3 hours, you can’t really call someone you’ve been talking to a stranger anymore especially when you both share a lot of things in common... And in this case... Those are veganism, spiritual beliefs and the big one... Autism. did we meet? 

I met Carl via a post that he made in a vegan group. No one else seemed interested…. but I was. 

Before I continue, I would just like to mention that there was a time when I had a lot of faith in my music career... Or perhaps, I was just more obsessed with it... But I would let people on Facebook know regularly that I’m available for interviews. 

Recently, I stopped letting people know and stopped asking. 

Life repeats itself anyways so I’m happy with the usual groundhog days and the extraordinary ones or moments popping up from time to time. 

One of those days happened today and I only met Carl and his partner Alyssa (both from Wales... As well as their son… in the background) two days ago. 

I admit that I was feeling rather fragile at first but I was still strong enough to continue. 

Fortunately, Carl shared a part of his life that I could relate to and that made me feel more comfortable. 

I don’t think I would’ve lasted though if I had gone to Rachael’s for a prearranged afternoon rehearsal instead of successfully recording another Thai song (with some beautiful sounding drums by yours truly) and I sure hope that she wasn’t really in the right state of mind for it either. 

You may be asking why I was feeling fragile earlier and this is because I decided to watch a drama movie last night called ‘The Sound Of Metal’ which is about a drummer (played by British Asian Riz Ahmed) who suddenly turns (or should that be ‘goes’?) deaf after several gigs as part of a tour with his musical partner and girlfriend. 

What I didn’t expect is that the story is about him accepting his disability and when I realised this... It hit me hard in the feels because that’s exactly what I’m going through as well as one of the main reasons why I write these memoirs. 

There is even a scene where he is given a pen and a notebook and encouraged to write his feelings down every day. 

Fortunately, the only thing we didn’t have in common is that his character was a recovered heroin addict and I’m not. 

Perhaps I’m still recovering from all the things I was told I can and cannot do as I was growing up. 

I must COME to terms with those aspects soon because they are now just the voice of ghosts made of sand and I am strong enough like the wind! 

During and after the movie (I can’t remember the last time I cried so much) I yet again found myself splitting into 2. 

One kept telling me how selfish I’ve been to my family and all of those people around me ...and the other said that I haven’t and reminding me that I even have proof that I’m autistic (if I ever forget that) and that I must never stop trying to embrace it and most of all... accept it this is a BIG part of me as a person!

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