I must admit that I’ve been feeling in limbo quite often this week and the longer I stay in bed in the morning on my phone... The stronger that feeling beckons... So, I told myself this morning that I have to break away from doing that as soon as possible before it becomes... another bad habit. 

By “in limbo“, I’m referring to the fact that I believe that I have reached a temporary dead-end with earning an income as a performing musician... and that includes as a busker. 

However, I seem to know what I’m doing this time around and as I’m collaborating with other artists online and off-line... That’s giving me hope and keeping that flame inside my heart flickering. 

As I’ve already mentioned, I’ve got a jam with folk band Purbeck Storm tomorrow morning and the good thing that due to my anxiousness... that’s encouraged me enough to hone my violin chops (today’s slang for ‘skills’) just in time! 

I’ve also got a pre-arranged appointment with Jade as well later on in the evening to rehearse again for our gig in July. 

As I’m writing this....Leo is sitting next to me in the lounge, I’ve put on a liquid drum n’ bass compilation on YouTube to keep me awake which can only mean it’s 19:57. 

Ian came over at 11:30 and as soon as I opened the front door to let him in.... I must admit that I was slightly upset to see that it was raining outside. 

I was upset because I had my heart set upon having a barbecue with Ian and Leo this afternoon seeing as BBC weather had told me it was going to be sunny until 3 pm... 

Reminder to self... This is England! 

The weather is always unpredictable! 

The good thing is... is that I’ve taught myself not to sulk as soon as Ian decided he’s only going to stick around for a bit after we both went by car to Spreez (yep, Sainsbury’s now has a cute nickname to!) So I could at least get a whole load of food shopping done. 

I was getting the impression that Ian was going to flake out on me seeing as he seemed anxious to buy some ‘green’ and so, I quickly assumed that THAT would be my highlight of the day. 

Fortunately, after I successfully had my tasty seitan satay kebabs with satay sauce....I somehow managed to encouraged Ian to stay longer and rehearse some covers with him before Leo came over. 

Despite the sun only being present for five minutes, I still had a good day with them both....but at separate times. 

For some reason, I feel like I had to ‘fight’ for that to happen and there was a point when I felt like I was being clingy with Ian but he assured me that I wasn’t. 

The main factor today was that moment when I reminded myself that even close friends won’t always agree with my plans however optimistic they sound to me. 

The lesson here is that they may sound optimistic to me but not the same to them and when we realise this…. We must back away slightly and let them do what they want to do. 

If I hadn’t backed away slightly and gave Ian’s mind a bit of space, I’m sure he would’ve just dropped me back at home, helped me take my shopping in....and get on with his day. 

Perhaps this is another lesson in life on how to encourage myself to be selfless in order to still achieve what I desire!

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