Do you know what kind of people you admire the most?
The ones who really intrigue you?
For me...it’s those people who even though they suffer from mental health issues.... are strong enough to pretend that they don’t.
I’m talking about those people around me who have a partner and children or/and are still close with a friend from school.
Those people who are able to hold a job or keep trying for a job no matter how many times they get sacked.
Those people who are able to keep their thoughts to themselves i.e. my own family as well as focusing on work when working and focusing on domestic things when at home.
I know we are capable of doing anything we put our minds to....including wearing the proverbial mask.
I choose not to live that kind of life any more because I know how much more that hurts me inside compared to the opposite.
I choose to be true to myself and openly honest about everything with everyone because that brings me some kind of inner peace.
I had to express this because I’m sick and tired of carrying this illusion of guilt.
You might think I am a strong woman ....but actually ...I’m not. That’s the truth!
I know I am spoilt and I am still trying to figure out how to show gratitude to all those who have supported me.
I can’t keep on thinking about that though and life simply must keep moving!
Did you know that from time to time I find comfort in calling myself ‘The Lone Ranger’?
Seeing as nobody is really free even from themselves, I stopped calling myself a free spirit years ago and I would only use that terms for banter nowadays.
In regards to ‘banter’... I’d like to conclude this week by saying that it was definitely one of my most proudest and happiest...and if the planet blew up today... I’d happily die with a genuine smile on my face.
I admit that at around 11:30-ish, I’m was in a bit of a shitty mood just because of my random OCD when I saw that the pots and pans were put away together and not in separate drawers!
Obviously, my tiredness had kicked in and there’s no need to get hot and spicy with my flatties over it!
In regards to being in a shitty mood, I was expecting Ian to arrive in about half an hour but after writing ‘shitty mood’ he literally turned up at the door!
It’s times like that when I know the cosmos is being supportive.
I’m liking the thought of this new equilibrium that one Sunday will be crib chillin’ at Lorna’s and then jamming together in a rehearsal studio the next.
There was a random mist floating around in Milford on Sea at the moment I was with Lorna and Ian and that was one of the main things that contributed to our brief chinwag on a bench by the cliffs overlooking the diamonds sparkling on the ocean and the yachts that triggered me yearning for being out on the ocean again someday just like when I was little in Sweden.
Seeing as it’s now June, even more people have come out of hibernation and it was a pleasant surprise to see to 2 hang gliders gliding over our heads before witnessing a kestrel hunting just off the cliff edge nearby.
In other news, my nipples are feeling tender again after about a week of being back on oestrogen which I’m feeling pretty happy about although I definitely have to encourage myself to start wearing a bra again. Let’s hope it still fits!
One day, I hope to have ‘completed’ my transition with breasts big enough and natural enough so that I don’t require any padding, socks or even breast forms.