I think I woke up late again today at around 8ish apart from the usual times when I had to go snorkeling in Maldives or playing with my pet elephant in Maldives. 

Anyways, that’s enough private H20 talk for now... 

As always, the first thing I do in the morning is to check my phone which I try to keep on the other side of my room these days and I usually hope for good news first thing in the morning and fortunately this morning was one of those when I got a forwarded email from my stepdad telling me that the electronic drum kit will arrive on Thursday. 

That was enough to get me pumped up for the day and after letting Deej and Rachael OR the band about the good news, I even thought about rearranging my room for a bit but then realized that as they’re fold up drums, I just have to think about where to store them when they’re packed away. 

Possibly between my keyboard and the window just like with all my other things that I don’t usually use but are still essential! 

After checking my weight which was much needed after stuffing myself full of (vegan) spaghetti bolognaisé yesterday and thankfully, I hadn’t put on too much weight.... 

I thought I would reach into the cavern depths of my fridge to eat the rest of what I had left AFTER sticking’ it in the Radioactive Box for 3 just so I could feel extraordinarily static. 

Whilst watching the rest of fellow mixed race specialist Aquaman and having flashbacks of when I saw it for the first time at a cinema in Thailand and walking away disappointed....I was pondering whether I should become an ordained sissy maid again today or not and then I reminded myself of my own song ‘Today’s Rebel’: 

“I’m cooking up a storm, you better be prepared 

I only have one solution, trust me you won’t get scared 

I dare you to live your life without any hesitation, 

Depending on a swindled system, that causes you more frustration” 

Whilst putting on my fave dress, extinguishing my face and actually enjoying the rest of Aquaman....that was pretty much all I cared about. Not thinking about anything else apart from perhaps if and when Ian is still coming over or not and the more I was thinking about that, a haunting voice that sounded like Ian’s but was simply just a dark spirit telling me “Sorry, I can’t make it today”. 

As hard as it was, I tried to ignore that voice as I knew it was just an illusion created by my own anxiety and after having made the decision to make the most of me all glammed up, I finally got round to crossing off another thing off of my bucket list by doing a 17 minute video of ‘My Transgender Story’. 

For some reason, I just knew that from all the banter I have learnt to tell people in between my songs ....I was able to freestyle this video without having to make notes and key words read off of them. 

Just as I thought ....reopening my ‘private’ book would be an emotional one and I could’ve easily edited that bit out but then I decided to go for an uncut video instead.....and it was worth it before Ian called me to say he’s on his way. 

Quickly going back to when I was hesitating whether to wear my maid dress or not....nowadays I am more aware of the consequences. 

Basically, I know that most people don’t really care about it so why should I? And there will be people too who will take the piss out of me but in a friendly manner and I’m more likely to understand that they don’t mean any harm when I know them this case, one of my flat mates. 

So, I’ve just answered my own question... 

Should I wear what I want whenever I want to? 

The answer is: 

As long as I am mentally stable because when I’m not....I can’t even handle a quiet room with another person! 

When I am mentally stable, I can do anything and nobody can stop me! 

Ian arrived and warbled non stop about the same old same old and yours truly tried to show interest by replying with a ‘yup’...’no’....’yeah’...’dunno’...because I was busy going through all the things I needed to take with us to Tesco’s as I didn’t want to forget anything. 

I have no qualms with Ian being a chatterbox and whenever I need a 5 second break, I let him know about it and I’m sure it’s not his fault because that’s just the way he has been all his life but I nearly forgot that I had put my phone in my Sailor Moon rucksack and was ready to head out. 

I asked Ian a few days ago if he could take me back to the big Tesco’s so that I could ask Tesco mobile associates about an issue with my new phone involving my iCloud account and my deleted email account that I used to set up bla bla bla technical talk bla bla bla years ago. 

So that’s ONE frustration I need to get rid of soon by talking to the minions of Bill Gates via the Tin Can Plateau. 

Yet again, I’m distracted from my written ramblings by the sound of Music coming from Club Kitchen at 20:33 hours thanks again to Jason Mamoa’s long lost brother but hopefully my eternal flatmate Rob who’s entertaining another one of his female admirers who’s name I have already forgotten but when you’re in your 20s moves so fast any way that there’s not much reason to settle down right? 

Well, that’s what I experienced and I am sure Rob and his lady friend are going through the same experiences but hey, we’re all different. 

I had my 10-15 minutes of fun with them both when we had a little chit chat and then danced to The Weeknd’s ‘Blinded By The Light’. 

For some spontaneous reason, I felt the need to release the inner frustrated screaming banshee within me and then randomly go back to my room and continue writing whilst watching an intriguing British horror movie about lights that take over the bodies of a couple turning them into neighbours from hell. 

But that was before I pressed the wrong button causing the film to stop and go back to the main menu. 

Anyways, perfect time to turn back the hands of time slightly to when Ian and I had gotten back from Tesco’s....boiled up an afternoon brew each and did a 45 minute live stream on Socially Distant Fest which was definitely to be the highlight of the day as I got to show off my violin skills to him and a global audience before showing off my updated keyboard skills to him as if he’s my big supportive older musical brother. 

All fun things must come to a temporary end so it wasn’t long until Ian left to get back home in time to watch the beginning of the football season or something related to football as I stuffed my face with healthy Thai salad and whilst I was doing so, I had never ever heard my flat mate Yogi being so verbally passionate with me about one of his seemingly most favourite subjects ....debunking the Holocaust! 

“you do know that, don’t you?” he kept repeating and even though it was slightly intimidating especially as I was trying to enjoy my lunch/early dinner ....I tried my best to show interest. 

Sadly, my mind just wasn’t tuned in to his frequencies but at least I learnt something. 

When it’s just the 2 of us....we do tend to mainly discuss and gossip about the behavior of our other flat mates and the general cleanliness of the flat and it’s not common that Yogi makes me have a big fat belly laugh but that’s what he made me do today when I mentioned to him that I had just finished hoovering my room and the hallway last night before he returned back home and you know what he said back to me? 

“I thought I was going to get pregnant!” 

I absolutely cracked up and made sure I laughed as heavy as I could and expressed to him how important it is to laugh at things like that during these difficult times to which he agreed. 

After the healthy face stuffing sesh, I proceeded back to my room to make an attempt at the only thing that was frustrating me more than the issue with my new phone and that was this song I had agreed to collaborate on called ‘For Our Future’ written and produced by the amazingly talented Bristolian ex. Bournemouthian Kala Cheung whom I have been good friends with now since 2016 and we’ve been meaning to collaborate musically with each other for years now. 

Anyways, I asked her to share how many beats per minute with me but when I tried this in Ableton it wasn’t making the song sound smoothly and only making me feel more anxious and then I remembered her telling me yesterday that I shouldn’t be afraid to call her if and whenever I need some guidance from her on it. 

I then proceeded to call her and at some point she will encourage her partner to send me the Ableton stem versions of the song instead of Logic, which is the program that she and her friends use. 

Doing that kind of put me in the mood to work on my next track ‘Surreal Equations’ which is about having random feelings for this local stoner guy I know who is completely opposite from me and a whole lotta more VAIN than I am: 

“You can do what you like, say what you wanna say....keep playing these games, cos I won’t let you win my heart” 

The chorus expresses that he was all talk and no action ....we would arrange to meet up and after an hour, I’d still be waiting around for him and when I asked why he was taking so long, he would reply “I’m still shaving...” or “I’m doing my hair”. 

Anyways....we were briefly in one of my very short projects together and he was playing trumpet. 

I think the band only lasted a month or 2 but without him, we played at least 2 gigs. I’m still good friends with the Bulgarian bass player and the local ex drummer who had to give up drums due to his health issues. Bless him. 

I couldn’t be bothered to move my keyboard to the other side of the room, so I decided to watch an indie movie about the life of how a wannabe stand up comedian made his way from the bottom to the top by being an emcee in between acts at an open mic night instead and I was NOT expecting it to hit me so hard in the feels! 

I had just started writing all of this and I thought I’ll just put on any movie that’s under the comedy section and I randomly clicked on ‘The Opening Act’ and it sure caught my attention from start or finish and I could relate to it with my own career as a wannabe musician! 

It’s now 22:09 and I’m writing this with one eye open....I think my brain is slightly frazzled....but from what? 

Nevermind’s been another good day indeed!

1 comment

  • Richard Atkins x
    Richard Atkins x Poole
    Love reading your journal

    Love reading your journal

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