I could’ve started today’s memoir by going on about how it’s taken me 3 years to finally ‘let go’ of another trans - lady out of my life but I’ve been wanting to move on from this situation for all that time now.
I’ve mentioned her before in my past memoirs too. I don’t have to jog your memory of what her name is.
She’s supported me through thick and thin and vice versa but after a while...you start realising that certain people don’t want to change their habits and when it affects your own mental health AS WELL as your own friends ...you gotta switch that green light to a red one.
I already feel like I am going off on a tangent about this person so I will end it just by saying and realising that the only reason I kept talking to her again was due to my own loneliness and now that lockdown restrictions seem to not be so constipated and seem to be staying that way....I am not feeling so lonely any more.
After all....the only person who should be trying to understand me ....is me, myself and I.
Loneliness is human nature. I know now I will never get rid of it completely but if I regard it as just another form of energy ....I can turn it into something positive.
It’s now 9:33 and I am on the New Milton train again to busk for an hour or so before meeting up with Lorna (and potentially Ian and Leo).
It’s a slightly chilly morning out there so I am glad I am still wearing my flare jeans and thermals....but the music coming from a young gentleman’s speaker this morning at the station platform certainly warmed me up and put me in a more chilled out mood.
A lady who was with her young daughter wasn’t keen tho cub and as soon as he put on the ‘loud’ music ....and I asked her if ok to sit next to her....she decided to walk away from it until the train arrived 3 minutes later.
It’s now 9:41 and the strap on my guitar case ...finally broke! Oh well. Shit happens!
I’m now lying in bed in my day clothes and I’ve got plenty of time to do some writing and reflecting which means it can only be ....17:36.
I promised the department of work and pensions that I would report my busking and album sale earnings and I made an attempt at this yesterday.
However, I did as instructed by my work coach today and due to that it’s considered as self employment and I refuse to register with HMRC (as I landed myself in trouble before with them by doing so) ....I messaged my work coach to say that I need to chat with him on the phone about this as soon as possible.
It’s just another one of those things I am trying to encourage myself not to get worked up about and yet again ....perhaps this is something my brother tried to warn me about recently.
Watch this space!
So how was busking?
I just couldn’t wait to change the topic to something more comfortable!
Mainly thanks to Lorna AND Ian showing up....I ended up singing my heart out for an hour and a half to an actual audience.
It was so sweet of Lorna to clap a long and for Ian to sing one of his songs with me. I’m happy he didn’t get bored either seeing as he usually can’t sit still for 10 seconds.
As I write this, I can still feel the raspy - ness in my throat from singing in my chest Voice!
I WOULD busk with an amp, microphone and stand again but I just don’t think the time is right ....yet. Nearly there though!
Maybe come May....that would be a great time to go full throttle with busking again.
Fortunately, as Ian stuck around ....he was able to carry my guitar to the car ....whilst I carried everything else and that balanced the workload I suppose.
We then made our way to meet up with Lorna as arranged outside the usual coffee shop and as I had a carton of grapes in my hand, vegan cheese in my coat pocket AND I was full of serotonin ...I decided to do a little muppet dance.
A masked gentleman came out of nowhere and said ....
“ I love that dance that you did. Would you mind doing that again? “
And so I did whilst we both beat boxed and he filmed me on his phone.
Those 5-10 seconds had a big positive impact on my day and lasted until I had cooked up lunch part trois (three in French!) after Ian bought us both lunch to have by a rather crowded Mudeford Quays.
Tomorrow will not just see yours truly heading over to Rachael’s place again first thing in the morning but also the possibility of working with someone again musically and making a mark on Dorset as an established rhythm guitarist .....meaning .....if this goes well ....I may spark more interest from other vocalists.