BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER

Thanks to Rachael and I having a thorough chinwag and a giggle on the phone AND a spoken word/rap jam with The Kid earlier ….I suppose I am feeling less anxious as I make my way into town to meet and observe my own local Anonymous for The Voiceless team. 

I can’t remember the last time I have been so anxious that I am ‘late’ for something. 

I had planned to be there for 12 so that I can observe what they do from the very start but it’s now 12:01 and I must be about 20 minutes away from the town centre! 

I arrived just in time around 12:10 and next time….I would love to be a part of The Cube which entails either holding up a laptop showing the documentary ‘Dominion’ or holding a sign saying ‘TRUTH’. 

I will also endeavour to take part in the protests against experiments on beagles in July! 

I’ve been trying to listen to how representatives are calmly and patiently talking to intrigued onlookers and I know for certain that I could not express things like that without letting my own feelings take over. 

Today my heart goes out to Joey Carbstrong, Earthling Ed and any other activists who are trying to change the world …alone. 

Right now …. I am totally sympathising with Leo and the anxiety that he does through everyday and I can only assume that he doesn’t self harm despite his own issues. 

The reason why I expressed that is because of something that triggered the PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) within me when I decided that I wanted to check out the art and photography exhibition in Boscombe yesterday …. 

Before I continue…. 

Do you selfharm? 

Do you know anybody who does it? 

How does it make YOU feel? 

Well, here’s my perspective….and I may have mentioned this in a past memoir …obviously, that was an important night in my life….. 

When I was 18, I went off to uni and had my first experience of staying in halls of residence. It felt like staying in a prison cell as the room was so small. We had to share the public bathroom including shower as well. One night, I met some new friends and brought them back to mine. We were quite drunk and wanted to get high off of some cheap and nasty hashishe. 

All was going well until one of my friends went off to the girl’s room and we thought nothing of it until we realised that she was taking a lot longer than expected. As my other friends were guys and they knew about me being a transgirl already at that time ….they encouraged me to go and check her out. I went in there to see if she’s ok. She opened the toilet door for me and I could see that she had been crying. 

She had a bracelet on on her right wrist and there was some blood on there too. I was really naive and at first I thought her bracelet had cut her by accident. 

Then I clocked it! I started feeling overwhelmed. 

Later on that evening, we called the ambulance and another friend of mine was crying his eyes out outside my door because of what had happened. 

Ever since then….every time I see images of someone who has cut their wrists, it triggers the ptsd. 

I …just…can’t…help…being…an….empath! 

I have been wanting to write a song related to that experience ever since and after seeing an image like this yesterday at a local artexhibition for Boscombe Emerging Arts Fringe… 

I finally wrote a song called ‘Blood Is Thicker Than Water’ ….and yes….I have selfharmed before too but I would NEVER cut myself… 

BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER 

verse: 

Like bleach upon a stain 

I could take away your pain 

To see you live another day 

Anything to keep you away 

From the hurt you self inflict 

those lines we can’t unstitch 

Cos my heart beats just like yours 

still out of sync with all my flaws 

cos…. 

CHORUS: 

Blood is thicker than water 

I see it in your tears 

Blood is thicker than water 

when you try to fight your fears 

Blood is thicker than water 

Getting thicker through the years 

Blood is thicker than water 

I see it in your tears 

VERSE: 

Like rebels without a cause 

running wild like underdogs 

I know you feel the things I feel 

that guilt that we both yield 

We don’t wanna steal more time 

just to pretend that we’re alright 

standing from a great height, 

Leaving nobody behind. 

cos…. 

*CHORUS 

In other news, life continues to repeat itself as I find myself going to a transgender and trans ally support group at Obsidian before showing off the anantar at the creative workshop….but what about my regular live show slot on a Wednesday? 

I suspect it’s starting late about 19:30/20:00….and I suspect I’ll bring whatever other instruments I can fit into the back seat of Rachael’s second hand Siren-mobile

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