Sleep ....a word when said makes one feel calm inside yet it is such a fragile yet important attribute to have in our lives.
If you sleep too much ....you suffer.
If you sleep too little ....you suffer.
There IS a way to get enough sleep and I HAVE achieved it before but recently, which seems to coincide with the temperatures decreasing ....waking up a few hours before my alarm goes off is finally starting to effect my mental stability and today I admitted to my flat mate Yogi that I have been feeling really down lately so I will be taking 2 ashwagandha capsules today instead of one.
He then invited me to try CBD or cannaboid oil which is oil made from marijuana but has no THC in it which makes you high.
I tried it and it tasted just like any herbal oil and we shall see how it makes the chemicals within my neurons react for the rest of the day.
On a positive note, I have started writing 2 new songs ....Thankyou George Floyd and Unwelcome Desires.
Thankyou George Floyd is about his death
having made my life as a mixed race and transwoman a lot easier as people especially the media have finally started listening to the Black Lives Matter movement.
It will hopefully also be about how politically incorrect comedies such as Fawlty Towers, Alf Garnett and The Rise and Fall of Reginald Perrin effect people and make us think it’s ok to behave that way towards minorities. Comedies like these are apparently now getting censored and I personally think that’s a great idea!
Hopefully it will also be about how racism comes from stereotypes created by the media.
Unwelcome Desires will hopefully state that If I lose my mind, it’ll become so easy to be all the kinds of people that society look down upon....aka the psychologically insane and that succumbing to anger, temptation, lust etc will destroy my reputation and everything I have achieved to be as a good AND nice person but of course, other people test how mentally stable we really are.
Last night I took the opportunity to combine the words I had so far with chords I came up with on my keyboard and then record that using the voice memo app on my phone.
What intrigued me the most from doing this is the words that rhyme together when sung, do NOT rhyme when spoken.
Regarding my recording sessions ....I am currently having more technical issues with my second hand computer as it has decided to turn itself on and off again after updating Windows 10 it seems. Using a different power plug didn’t make any difference either.
It’s quite frustrating when I would like to record my songs AND get all my backing tracks sorted for Wednesday’s rehearsal at Blue Line Studios with regular drummer and partner in rhyme Deej.
Oh well, I’ll either keep tolerating it or just sell it for £5 at Cash Generator and start using my iPad instead. We shall see what happens.
If I was to sell it, I would miss using the Ableton recording software that I have become so skilled at BIG time although there MUST be a way to get it installed on the MacBook laptop that my brother donated to me but just thinking about having to make these changes is very frustrating especially as I don’t have enough funding to solve these issues instantly.
Anyways, it’s now 8:34 which is a perfect time to stop thinking on the train to Southampton and just relax for the remainder of the Journey before arriving at my usual spot.
At 9:46 a gentleman wearing Southampton Art gallery attire takes interest in my work as he passed by followed by another passer by giving me weird aggressive looks which defines another Ying Yang style day ahead!
At 9:50, a gentleman with crooked teeth and mousy blonde hair in his 30s dressed in a neon green t-shirt, red shorts and shades approaches and then turns around just before exiting the under pass and starts giving me verbal abuse. “You have no respect for anyone” he said and so, I replied telling him that this is what I do for a living after asking why he is giving me abuse when I am not doing any harm to him. He then told me he was getting offended by my amplified music.
Before I continue, let’s bare in mind that I was in Bristol last Sunday which means this encounter with this gentleman really didn’t make ANY sense!
We then continued our game of verbal tennis.
“You think this is acceptable at 9:50 in the morning?” he aggressively stated without raising his lisp voice. At this moment, I started realising that whatever I say it would only make him more aggressive towards me.
“You should get a job like everyone else” he said after I told him that busking IS my job and then just before he walked off he said “You’re very lucky I didn’t come and smack you in the face!”....and “You’re a fucking scum bag”
I tried my best to write down as much as I can whilst he was talking to me and it seemed to have come in handy when I later reported the incident to the police.
How was I feeling? Well, my skin was slightly shaking and after that very moment, I was trying to focus and think about what I should do next....
At 10:03, Bryan showed up and after talking to regular local guy Jeff on the phone, we packed up my gear and just before doing so, a rat came out of nowhere and disappeared in one of the holes behind me.
Trust me .....if you had blinked ....you would’ve missed it BUT it was dark brown and the size of my hand!
I’m not sure if I have expressed about the mouse in my flat earlier this week but seeing that rat was ALOT scarier than seeing flat mate Greta’s video footage of the cute little mouse!
Now that I know that that rat lives there, I will NOT be busking in that underpass ever again!
It’s now 10:39 and I am now at Hoops/Jeff’s place with him and Bryan and I have just received an email from the police as they promised after I called them and this is what they stated:
“Thank you for reporting your crime to us. Unfortunately will not be investigating this crime any further at this time and your report has now been closed.”
I was actually expecting something like this to happen and I can only assume we all know that the police won’t and can’t do anything unless there’s CCTVs or I am “bleeding to death” as Jeff so clearly put it.
It’s now 11:18 and I’m still at Jeff’s and I am finally simmering down after what happened. Chatting to Bryan and Jeff has helped especially with their sense of humour and funny stories.
At 11:48, I’m currently walking towards West Quay Shopping Arcade as I make my way back to the station with Bryan who’s carrying my gear whilst I carry my guitar before we part ways. Bryan suggested I busk where we hear and see a sax player busking to backing tracks outside Poundland which reminds me back to what I said earlier to about the Ying Yang effect AND going back to what I said yesterday about the seasons transitioning which has been having a negative effect on people’s behaviour.
It’s now 12:16 and I have nearly arrived at the station carrying not just my gear but also my fave Thai crispy seaweed snack, a plastic bowl of salad, marinated tofu pieces to add to it and onion bhaji rolls to have for lunch and dinner later at Lorna’s. I shall be meeting Ian at new Milton station in just under an hour. I have pretty much stopped thinking about what happened earlier but reporting it to the police and when they asked me if anything like this has happened to me before, it triggered memories of what had happened to me in August 2013 when I was busking and was accused of being “ a kiddy fiddler”.
Even today, I am still overwhelmed that the gentleman approached me 6 years later to apologize.
We MUST encourage ourselves to be aware that there are people out there who don’t know how to put their anger to a positive use and instead take their anger out on others especially those of whom they know are either vulnerable or in the wrong place and at the wrong time.
The elephant in the room would be ....
Do I intend to return to busk in Southampton?
Yes! Just like London and Salisbury ....I am spiritually attracted to it.
Southampton is a lovely city and I am proud to say I have friends there and it’s also where I get most of my earnings from busking!
It’s now 15:04...I’m sitting on a bench by the sea with Lorna and Ian and whilst they’re discussing future plans and other important ramblings, I was still thinking about you know what and I am just trying to encourage myself to think positive about the rest of the day and just live in the now because I am feeling safe and sound again.
EARNINGS: builder’s tea with sweetened almond milk, pineapple pieces, the opportunity to repair Jeff’s toilet seat with 2 bits of plasters used for wounds, 2 guys whom I know I can call friends (Jeff and Bryan of course) and then of course, simmering down with Ian and Lorna.
Tomorrow can wait but at least that’s a day off when I will be able to put £50 worth of busking earnings into my account and then start busking again on Tuesday